Is BITTER medicine more effective or just yucky?

Asian Moms never hold back with doling out helpful advice or criticism depending up on if you are the giver or the receiver. I can never avoid hearing a helpful suggestion in each and every conversation with my mother. If she doesn’t dole it out, she doesn’t feel like she’s doing a good job as a mother or that the conversation is worth the time and cost of the call. 

I bring up the issue of advice, because I recently had lunch with an older woman, who I often look to as my mentor. Outside of having three husbands, she’s everything I want to be when I’m her age. She’s still working, loves her business and is very successful. She enjoys a fabulous relationship with her kids who are old enough to be having little kids of their own and part of the reason for her amazing relationship is that she never gives them unsolicited advice. In her words, “unsolicited advice is unwanted advice”

I love my Mom,. I’m a great daughter, but I don’t call my Mom every day. I call my Mom a couple of times a week. It can be painful to call my Mom because she always gives me unsolicited advice.

In her view, if she doesn’t tell me unwelcome facts about myself no one else will and how then can I change for the better? The problem is there’s no preamble, no softening of the neck before you take a bite, NADA.  It’s,  “Hi Guai Guai, you know, your sister and I were talking the other the other day, and we thought the reason you (something you need to work on) is (some way to fix it) and also maybe you shouldn’t drink so much coffee....

And how do I respond?  I accept her suggestions and ask her how this necessary advice could have been more palatably delivered.  She tells me there is no way. Chinese believe “Sincere necessary advice rubs your ears the wrong way just like rubbing a pets’ fur in the wrong direction, and bitter medicinal roots are more effective in curing and driving out illness.” It takes bitterness to drive out bitter poisons and illness. And I believe her. And I live by the same creed.

So I guess I’ll go out and pull some bitter dandelion greens, making sure to get the taproot,  and make some tea. …